I like to go from here to there. With each significant change I feel both loss & gain; excitement and fear. I feel like a rock that has not moved right now, moss starting to grow on one side. Looking for ways to make the routine less mundane. Trying to be more mindful and appreciate what I have rather than this yearning; focus on the blessings. And as I make my mind up to be more like this, the opportunities for change present themselves. I immediately think, "who can I call?" to talk to about this and the question reverberates telling me, "no one is going to answer you with what you want to hear." If I choose to make a change, then, it needs to be a mindful change. The moss will wear off as I roll into a new place. Then I think about all those people that depend on me, believing my presence is valuable to them. Yet, I realize on a more intellectual level, "that's my ego talking." But I want to be valuable....It seems that I need to value myself from the inside out---- talking, knowing, doing TRUTH. Not so easy.

My 19 y.o. son  and I were eating dinner on our front patio and talking about self-esteem and friends. I asked him if he ever had low self-esteem and he pointed out that he never had friends coming to the house until he became a freshman in High School . He said that one of the things he realized was that he needed to be a better listener…His response suggested to me that having friends improved his self-esteem... Out of the mouth of babes…So here I am at 50. Being married complicates friendships I think. My husband is probably my best friend, but he doesn’t like to do all the things I like to do. He has very different energy than me.  I don’t really think that your significant other should like every thing the same, how boring would that be? ---- it’s also important to be my own best friend, often that is a challenge for me…. So I want to know what qualities do you think it takes to be a friend?