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friendship
February 2009 
Friendship
Posted on Aug 31st, 2008
by 
Neeshka
Neeshka
My 19 y.o. son and I were eating dinner on our front patio and talking about self-esteem and friends. I asked him if he ever had low self-esteem and he pointed out that he never had friends coming to the house until he became a freshman in High School . He said that one of the things he realized was that he needed to be a better listener…His response suggested to me that having friends improved his self-esteem... Out of the mouth of babes…So here I am at 50. Being married complicates friendships I think. My husband is probably my best friend, but he doesn’t like to do all the things I like to do. He has very different energy than me. I don’t really think that your significant other should like every thing the same, how boring would that be? ---- it’s also important to be my own best friend, often that is a challenge for me…. So I want to know what qualities do you think it takes to be a friend?
Access: Public
I love your question…I think the primary quality it takes to be a friend is genuine interest in the other person. That is manifest as being a good listener as your son discovered. Other qualities it takes are honesty, courage and generosity of spirit, manifesting as non-judgment and real joy for the other person's good.
Recently I've been struggling a bit as my “best friend” in Montana found another best friend while we were gone for eighteen months. I certainly don't blame her, but I was feeling a little hurt recently to be left out of some plans the two of them were making.
Your question made me realize that if I'm really a friend in the sense that I want to be, then I can be genuinely happy for their great relationship instead of feeling slighted. Thank you for the change in perspective…perfect timing!